Edited image by StudioLabs
Welcome to Trump’s Week in Review for the 28th of January, 2018.
It has been one year and eight days since Donald Trump was inaugurated as United States President, and contrary to popular assumptions, he has not been impeached yet. Nor will he be impeached in the next three milliseconds. He here’s to stay. For now. And that means endless, useless articles about everything Donald Trump has been doing as President, and even the stuff and things he hasn’t done. Clickbait is fun!
Just like every previous version of Trump’s Week in Review, if you only want to read the important news, you can skip right to the bottom, because you’ve probably missed out on all the important news, drowned out in a sea of triviality. Don’t worry. We’ve likely missed out on it too.
BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump says he isn’t a feminist. Well I never! Who’d’ve thunk it? BREAKING NEWS ALERT! Stop the media. Stop the presses. This is the story of the year.
It’s not. Almost everyone knows that Donald Trump is not a feminist, but this confirmation of his non-feminism is exactly what the mainstream media and every single political commentator ever needed in their latest calls for impeachment. It’s complete and utter proof that El Trumpo hates all women, despite the fact that “feminism” doesn’t have a stronghold on the word “equality”. While it may be defined as equality between the sexes, it is not the only measure of belief in equality.
Actually…all he said was “I wouldn’t say I’m a feminist” in an interview with Piers Morgan. He didn’t say “I’m a misogynist, xenophobic, Islamophobic, phobophobic”. Put away the pitchforks, folks.
The Dictionary totally owned Donnie Drumpf! Well, dictionary.com’s Twitter, to be exact. While this hasn’t been widely reported yet, expect the onslaught of “The Dictionary Just Dragged Trump And People Are Freaking Out About It” articles all over the internet faster than you can say covfefe.
Donald Trump SNIFFS his way through entire Davos speech irritating hundreds watching, says The Sun. Sigh. Was the water sipping “incident” not enough?
Will Donald Trump be invited to Harry and Meghan’s wedding? Who knows? Who cares?
Are Melania and Donald having marriage woes? Jimmy Kimmel thinks he knows why. A celebrity reacted to something! A celebrity reacted to Donald Trump and his wife Melania. This time it’s Jimmy Kimmel. He said that “I guess her plan was to stay back in the White House to keep digging the escape tunnel she has hidden behind a poster of Tom Selleck”. Cue laugh track.
Russian bots retweeted Donald Trump 500,000 Times before Election, says the Huffington Post. And? Indie authors get thousands of fake retweets and follows every day, and not a single person takes their “Buy my book” spiel any more seriously. According to data, Twitter had roughly 318 million users at the time of the United States Election. Apparently, HuffPost thinks all of those 318 million users are American residents, which is blatantly false. The truth: Twitter users make up a tiny fraction of the U.S population. In Simple English: Not enough potential U.S voters to make up any real change in the voting process. Even though some people may have been swayed by Twitter fake news, this Russia boogeyman gets more ludicrous with every passing day.
Tired of comparing Donald Trump’s Presidency to Harry Potter, it’s now drawing comparisons to The Hunger Games, Politico tells us. Apparently, Politico seems to have not read or watched the series, or even briefly perused the Cliff’s Notes guide. Though, if you read the article, there’s nothing about Trump sending teenagers to fight to the death in massive custom-built arenas, so clickbait is fun! While we’re on the topic of Harry Potter, for the love of God, please stop comparing Trump to Lord Voldemort. Anyone with a cursory knowledge of the series would know of far more worthy comparisons, most notably Cornelius Fudge. Or, alternatively, you could just stop comparing real life to fiction.
Donald Trump’s obsession with Hillary Clinton is a sign of a deeper problem with politics, suggests ABC News. The article refers to Trump’s seeming obsession with his ex-Democrat rival Hillary Clinton, and his oft-repeated nickname “Crooked Hillary”. Basically, calling her Crooked Hillary inspires other racist, misogynistic, phobophobic Republicans to do horrible things. While both sides partake in this behavior, it’s worse when the Right does it, but it’s still a form of “political theater”, i.e. entertainment. What this article doesn’t mention, however, is that pre-U.S Election, Don and Hil were best buds. It would lend more credence to the political theater spiel.
This was Donald Trump’s “Most Hated” Tweet of 2017, Cosmopolitan is itching to tell us.
Wow. Impeach the man right now!
Even white people can see it now: Donald Trump’s a racist, Salon is practically salivating on the screen. White people are bad! All of them! And finally some of these racist, xenophobic, phobophobes are realizing it!
A new poll from the Washington Post and ABC News finds that 52 percent of Americans believe Trump holds “a racial bias against black people,” with 4o percent “strongly” believing that.
Wait, it’s just a Washington Post and ABC News poll saying so? Wow, I really thought it was all of the Pasty Patriarchs saying so!
Only problem. We’re not told how many people were polled. It could’ve been 20, it could’ve been 20,000. Not exactly the majority of white people, eh, Salon? All we know is that 52 percent of an undefined number of Americans.
Donald Trump Says He Would Be ‘Tougher’ Over Brexit Than Theresa May, according to HuffPost again. Political posturing? Not by my President! Of course Donald Trump would say this. One, he’s known for having a particularly inflated ego, and two, he’s a politician. It’s his job to say he’d do a better job than anyone else. Have we forgotten politics?
The Guggenheim Museum totally owned Donald Trump: Shortly before the President was totally owned by the dictionary itself, he was completely and fully roasted by the famous New York museum. When Donald and Melania said they wished to borrow a Van Gogh painiting from the Guggenheim Museum, they were instead offered a “working solid-gold toilet made by an Italian artist”, according to ABC News. Geddit? Totally. Owned.
Donald Trump Did Not Die for My Sins, dramatically proclaims Michael Brown from Townhall. Think it’s only the far-Left espousing ridiculous triviality? Think again.
With all respect to our president, and with my appreciation for the good things he has done, he did not die for my sins, and I have not staked my soul’s salvation on his reputation. That distinction belongs to Jesus the Messiah, and to Jesus alone.
While this article has some good points—that it is morally wrong to blame every one of Trump’s voters for his behavior, as if his voters have exactly the same political and social beliefs as El Trumpy—that is much of where it stops.
Brown is annoyed that his evangelical friends and family won’t spread the word of the Lord because they’re afraid of not being taken seriously by their non-Trump voting friends and family. While this is ridiculous, and his friends and family should be free to practice Christianity (as anyone, religious or not, should be free to practice their beliefs, as long as it does not endanger the lives of others), Brown turns this into an evangelical Christian preacher’s rant. He says if you are too scared of supporting Trump because of anti-Trump nutters, then you won’t be able to turn to salvation. And that’s where this article loses everything. Just like one does not need to be a feminist to believe in equality, you do not need to be a Christian to be a good person.
The most reasonable part? This:
Unfortunately, in large part due to the media’s anti-Trump frenzy, if you dared to vote for Trump, let alone speak a positive word of support on his behalf, you are considered complicit in his every failing, be it an adulterous affair in his past or an inappropriate tweet in the present. Wherever Trump is guilty (or perceived to be guilty), you are guilty. And if you dared endorse him, you have committed the unpardonable sin.
And here’s the actually important stuff about him you may have missed
Donald Trump says he’s ‘looking forward’ to being quizzed over alleged Russian collusion and would ‘love to’ speak to special prosecutor Robert Mueller, according to The Sun. While The Sun is not the most reliable of sources by any stretch of the imagination, what it is saying here is important. President Trump told reporters he doesn’t mind being interrogated over the alleged Russian involvement in the United States Election, i.e. he’s willing to be interviewed over the Russiagate stuff, so we can finally move on and focus on more important issues.
And that’s it.
Anything else? If we’ve missed anything important—and we likely have—please let us know in the comments below!