Edited image by David Bruyland

Welcome to Trump’s Week in Review for the 11th of February, 2018.

At first glance, it appeared to be a quiet week for President Donald J. Trump. But there’s never a dull week when it comes to the 45th President of the United States. Of course there’s trivial news. There’s always trivial news. That’s what you’re here for, right?

As always, if you want the important news, scroll down ’till you get to the huge And here’s the actually important stuff about him you may have missed part of this article. However, if you’re like the majority of people, you just want to read the trivial drivel. So, let’s get crack-a-lacking:

Robert De Niro attacks Donald Trump on climate change, calls him a ‘dangerous leader’, according to News Limited on behalf of the New York Post.

De Niro spoke on Sunday at Dubai’s World Government Summit, and joined an impressive line-up of speakers including international dignitaries and heads of state, entrepreneurs, scientists, academics, and world financial leaders.

Any guesses to how De Niro likely attended the Dubai’s World Government Summit? It’s certain he didn’t get to Dubai in a way that was environmentally conscious. And we’re listening to a guy who likely took a private jet to Dubai to school us on Donald Trump’s views of climate change?

Apparently, De Niro “received applause and laughs when he said the US ‘will eventually cure itself by voting our dangerous leader’ out of office”. Celebrities react again!

Donald Trump questioned the lack of “due process” in the #MeToo movement, and Twitter clapped back hard, according to Zooey Deschanel-created site Hello Giggles, while other news sites such as TIME and the BBC have also responded accordingly. Hello Giggles seems to think Twitter is a sort of sentient energy, which it may well be in twenty years, but this is Current Year 2018 and Twitter isn’t sentient yet.

Twitter, of course, clapped back to Donald Trump in the best way.

Meanwhile, TIME’s article on the #MeToo movement seems to be inciting readers into harassing President Trump, simply because he believes there should be more than mere allegations to destroy people’s lives. While Trump is likely just covering up for his staff secretary Rob Porter, why is it wrong to say we need more than an accusation to have the social media lynch mob destroy someone? When there is proof—even just a little—we would be more inclined to #BelieveWomen and men, but believing simply on word alone is not wise. You can believe #MeToo-ers, but you can only conduct your online witch hunt if there’s proof. Simple?

Dutch Olympics Fans Troll Donald Trump With Genius Flag Message,
mocks Lee Moran from HuffPost. Totally Owned! They unveiled this sign

as a mocking response to La Drumpa’s “America First” policy. COMPLETELY. And. Inexorably. Owned. Genius! /sarcasm

Bill Maher Updates His Donald Trump ‘Dictator Checklist’, says Haaretz. On the latest episode of his HBO show “Real Time”, Bill Maher updated his Trump Dictator Checklist after it was revealed Trumpy “ordered the Pentagon to begin planning a military parade in Washington, D.C”. Apparently last year, Trump scored eight out of ten on this checklist, but now he’s a nine out of ten!

Perhaps the narcissism point on this hypothetical checklist makes sense but one of the other points is “you hate the press and use your own propaganda outlet”, where Maher claims Fox News is “State TV”. Fox News? Seriously, the same news channel that warrants the headline Even Fox News is making jokes about Trump. Would Kim Jong-Un’s state-sanctioned media be allowed to do the same? One would think not.

A hypothesis: When Trump speaks of women, he’s thinking of men, hypothesizes The Washington Post. They claim Trump only cares about the men implicated by sexual abuse claims. Specifically referring to state secretary Rob Porter, Washington Post says Trump only disbelieves the women’s claims because he’s friends with the implicated men. They use twelves cases, where at least eleven prove that Trump will support his male friend accused of sexual assault over the accuser. What this does imply is that Trump would support a friend over someone he doesn’t know very well, much the same as Lena Dunham a little while back, who copped the same flak. Interesting hypothesis, but it doesn’t mean he believes men over women, just that he has more male friends than female friends.

Donald Trump blames stock market plunge on ‘so much good news’, says Australia’s ABC News. This is the sort of post that would get Donald Trump trending on the Old People Facebook subreddit if he’d stuck this up on Facebook instead of his preferred social media site. Oh well. This is the reason social media is still free, people! Entertainment abounds…

Trump’s comments on the stock market also lead to this analogy: Donald Trump is the stock market’s desperate ex-boyfriend, claims Canadian site Macleans.

It looks like Donald Trump’s hair is real after all, News Limited reveals. Metro also has this riveting article about Donald Trump’s hair and scalp reduction surgery. The most reasonable article, surprisingly, came from The Guardian, where opinion writer Barbara Ellen wrote “It’s unfair to give poor Donald Trump such a wigging…Don’t mock the Donald for his hair. Rather, kick him for all his other flaws”.

Donald Trump Wants to Make It Easier to Start a Nuclear War. This Should Petrify Us. And guess what, Hillary Clinton tried to warn us! According to The Intercept, Hillary Clinton said in her DNC speech in 2016:

Imagine, if you dare…imagine him in the Oval Office facing a real crisis. A man you can bait with a tweet is not a man we can trust with nuclear weapons.”

Has everyone forgotten that Clinton herself was openly stating she wished for war with Russia at this same point in time, a war everyone was vehemently against? How short our memories are… This article also shows the many reasons why Clinton lost against Trump: namely because her strategy for winning was criticizing Trump, not listing any real policies. Even Trump had a policy, even if it was only “Build the wall”.

The Great Diamond Ring Deal of 2004 Comes Back to Haunt Donald Trump, reveals Vanity Fair. An alleged discount on a wedding ring? The jeweler says Trump is lying? Stop the presses!

MSNBC Commentator called El Drumpfy ‘The Commander-in-Chief of Rape Culture’, says Fox News.

New York University Visiting Scholar Anand Giridharadas said America is in the midst of “a rape culture presidency.”

Need more be said? He also dismissed Kellyanne Conway, claiming she “will say anything for money”. This is the most Gender Studies, intersectional feminist bullshit to have been said by an alleged academic and scholar. What a sad time we live in when people can use radical Gender Studies terminology in a completely serious manner and be taken one hundred percent seriously.

The most awkward video yet of Donald Trump and Melania has emerged, says The Independent, and it’s proof they’re unhappy, PROOF I tell you. Various Twitter sleuths hypothesized that Melania wears her coat in the awkward way she does to avoid Trump holding her hands. Is it true? Who knows? But is it is newsworthy? Not really.

In the same vein, Health & Fitness Cheat Sheet tells us Donald and Melania Trump Wouldn’t Be the First Presidential Couple to Divorce. Have they shown any inkling of wanting to divorce? Nope. This listicle implies its only those on “the outside looking in” who are speculating—or hoping, it sounds like—for a divorce between Don and Mel. And if you want to avoid the clickbait? The previous President was Ronald Reagan.

Donald Trump is not an anomaly in the Republican party. He’s their mascot, and bad policy for women follows his lead, warns feminist site The Mary Sue. Basically, the article is just Mary Sue’s latest This Month in Reproductive Justice, and highlights some of the ways the Republican Party under Trump is trying to undermine abortion rights, and how their anti-abortion policies make sense in a Party which had alleged wife abuser Rob Porter as its staff secretary.

This article seems to imply the Republican Party has always been full of evil, abortion-hating misogynists, and the Democrats have always been good, women loving protectors of peace. This is a dangerous way of thinking.

Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump impersonators call for peace before being thrown out of Winter Olympics. Still not important. Especially when the fake Kim Jong-Un impersonator stated President Trump and Mr. Kim would get along because “because in my opinion, they’re pretty much the same person”. Equating a terrible dictator like Kim Jong-Un to a clearly-not-dictator like Donald Trump is insulting to the people of North Korea, to say the least.

And here’s the actually important stuff about him you may have missed

Donald Trump surges in polls boosting Republicans’ mid-term hopes, says The Telegraph. Wait, his approval rating has improved? What sort of parallel universe are we living in where President Donald Trump has a forty percent approval rate!? In more serious news, Democrats, liberals and general anti-Trumpers of any persuasion are going to have to try a different tactic if a Democrat President is desired come 2020. Clearly the current tactic of calling anyone who voted for Trump a Literal Nazi isn’t working.

And that’s it. There’s likely an important Bill that Republicans are attempting to pass; an expensive, convoluted proposal to fix streets and roads; or a tax cut that will affect millions, but who cares when OMG THIS CELEBRITY CALLED HIM A NAZI. Of course, The Mary Sue has mentioned a bunch of potentially life-changing abortion laws, but that’s about it. If you’ve heard of anything that has the potential to be incredibly newsworthy (and not just in Gossip Land), then please let us know in the comments and tell us what you think.