Edited image by Victoria Borodinova

Welcome to Trump’s Week in Review for the 25th of February, 2018.

If you thought the never-ending news cycle of 45th United States President Donald Trump was dying down, you must be sadly mistaken, or have just arrived on Planet Earth from a pocket dimension. In any case, it’s been a big news week for Donald Trump, namely because of how he reacted to the Parkland Shooting in Florida. It’s been a big week and, while there have been the fair share of important news stories about Trump, the sheer majority is useless, trivial drivel.

If you only want to read the actually important news about Trump, you can skip right down to the bottom for all the actually important stuff about him you may have missed. However if, like most of the human population, you’re here for the pettiness and worthless “news”, then start reading below:

Donald Trump retweets radio host who has attacked school shooting survivors, according to New Zealand site Stuff. Can you believe it? He retweeted someone who believes Sandy Hook is a hoax—a belief, by the way, which is reprehensible. Never mind he’s retweeting it because it’s someone who said this:

Never mind who it comes from, it’s clearly being “retweeted” because it’s someone who supports Donald Trump, and why wouldn’t he retweet someone who supports him? Are Stuff implying it’s not okay for a black person to vote conservative? Because that’s incredibly concerning.

The Faith of Donald Trump Is Fake, But All Too Familiar, says Daily Beast’s Sophia Nelson. This piece talks about a recently published book, The Faith of Donald J. Trump, written by CBN political correspondent David Brody and Washington Times columnist and Liberty University professor Scott Lamb. Nelson, an evangelical Christian, claims Donald Trump is faking his Christianity to fool the Right—which of course is true, as his only religion is money, money, money, and the proof is in his public (and private) behavior. She compares his behavior as a “Christian” to the recently deceased Reverend Billy Graham, but that’s completely incomparable, because to call Trump a Christian is ridiculous. He’s not. The proof is in the pudding.

The New York Times also reported on Billy Graham’s death by questioning Trump and his Christianity in the article In Donald Trump, Evangelicals Have Found Their President. Opinion writer David Brody (the same author of the aforementioned The Faith of Donald J. Trump) asks us this question:

How could evangelicals get behind a man like Mr. Trump, especially well-known conservative leaders who both treasure and champion morality?

Simple. They believed he had more morality than Hillary “you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables” Clinton. You thought they would change decades of voting Republican to vote for Hillary? Surely you jest!

In all seriousness, the article talks about how Trump has bonded with evangelicals through money, compassion and a common interest in politics, and by connecting with each other on a more private level, so they aren’t viewing El Dumpo through the mainstream media’s lens. He’s just the latest of many “evangelical candidates” throughout the decades—the last apparently being George Dubya Bush and Jimmy Carter.

Donald Trump Is the Most Pure Conservative President Ever, says New York Magazine. Except he’s not. NY Mag tries to claim the conservative movement has changed with the election of Trump, and previous Republican candidates like Barry Goldwater elicited more hate from conservatives. In essence, Trump is not the perfect conservative, but he does act on the words of conservative thinktanks and behind-the-scenes guys. It also doesn’t help to describe Trump as a disease in this otherwise crucial sentence:

The insistence by conservative dissidents on treating Trump as an alien disease upon their movement prevents them from diagnosing, and therefore treating, the source of the infection.

Politico added their own take, saying Trump’s Takeover of Conservatism Is Complete and Total, stating “the room for criticizing the president was vanishingly small”, and conservatives who dislike Trump should be worried, after a “panelist who rebuked the president, as well as the event’s organizers, had to be escorted out of the building by a three-man protective detail”.

STORMY DANIELS DONALD TRUMP PORN PARODY…Not Gonna Happen, dramatically proclaims TMZ, with all the integrity of a preschooler’s macaroni artwork. Basically it’s just footage of a TMZ “reporter” shouting questions at Stormy Daniels. She said “No, I don’t think so. I don’t do parodies”, which is less interesting than the overly clickbaity headline.

Celebrities have reacted this week to Donald Trump! Jennifer Lawrence has outdone her [paraphrased] “the hurricanes are because Americans voted for a party that doesn’t believe in climate change” remark a few months back with this doozy: Her “head exploded” after Donald Trump was elected President in 2016 and “I felt helpless, I felt scared, I felt devastated, and I found the only thing I could actually do is educate myself”. Basically, she’s doing an Emma Watson and taking a break from acting so she can protest “government corruption”, and by government corruption, she means Donald Trump. Wow.

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak said he can’t stand Donald Trump, according to Economic Times in India, calling Trump a very negative person and saying while he may like Trump’s policies, he would never attend an event where a Trump family member was also attending.

Samuel L. Jackson has “slapped down Donald Trump’s plan to give teachers guns in the wake of the Florida school massacre”, according to News Limited, tweeting this:

Drip, drip, drip and Donald Trump: Why his fans are hooked no matter what, says the Fresno Bee.

To Donald Trump’s critics – well over half the voter-eligible population according to polls – the past year has been a cascade of disasters ranging from lying and deceit to overt racism, sexism, classism, homophobia and xenophobia.

Surely, critics believe, the nightmares will eventually pile so high that anyone with an iota of intelligence and decency will be forced to accept the truth.

Well, that probably explains it: You’re implying they don’t have an iota of intelligence. Maybe because the mainstream media keeps posting the most ridiculous news “stories” about Trump that conservatives don’t believe any of it. Or perhaps they don’t care? Both those on the Republican and Democrat side of the debate are living in their own custom-built echo chambers, where they only hear what they want to hear, where Trump’s ills are explained away, and they are less inclined to seek out opposing debate. The article itself uses social psychology to prove this: “The moment people take a strong position it activates psychological forces that drive them to prove they are right,” which is true for both liberals and conservatives.

But why look into the reasons when readers will ignore this article and just accuse his supporters of being dumb idiots, manipulated by Russian bots, simply Russian bots themselves, or xenophobic misogynist queerphobes and be done for another day?

Donald Trump Catches a Glimpse of His “Bald Spot” on a Big, Beautiful Screen: It Was Very Distracting, Vanity Fair tells us.

Oh, boy. Oh, I try like hell to hide that bald spot, folks. I work hard at it.

What? He’s making jokes about his hair? Burn him at the stake! The Guardian also made a video about the bald spot. Breaking news, everybody! Trump has a bald spot!

Admittedly, Trump’s speech is a bit awkward. The cheering crowd feels all too much like an episode of The Big Bang Theory, and that’s never a good thing.

The unending campaign of Donald Trump, according to the Washington Post. No duh, of course his “campaign” is unending. That’s what a President has to do: maintain widespread support and appeal to those who voted for him. The article criticizes Trump’s disdain for immigrants, and how it feels like it’s his Presidential campaign all over again, when really, it’s just Trump reiterating something we all know: he doesn’t like illegal immigrants. He still doesn’t like Hillary. Shocking? Not really.

Contradictory article time: We have Trump Is Winning: Are you sick and tired of it yet? by Politico, stating Donny Dumpy is on track for reelection, yet a CNN poll is saying Trump approval slides, matches lowest point of presidency. Who are we supposed to believe? Hmm…

105 Nigerian Girls are Missing Because Donald Trump is a Racist Idiot, according to The Root. Does this mean they also blame Donald Trump for the girls who were kidnapped and the boys who were murdered by Boko Haram back in 2014? While we’re at it, do we blame Trump for Afghanistan, ISIS, Al Qaeda? Do we blame him for the Cold War? World War II? The Great Depression? Where does it end?

They’re blaming Trump’s travel ban for what happened, because [African nation] Chad (who helped “Former, But Still My President Barack Obama” after the first Boko Haram schoolgirl kidnapping) withdrew their support fighting Boko Haram after the travel ban. While this is unfortunate, and Chad could have provided a lot of help in fighting Boko Haram, this seems a lot like ignoring the actual problem. Why not blame those who are actually to blame: Boko Haram? Because they’re going to attack and kill innocents regardless of what Trump says and does.

And here’s the actually important stuff about him you may have missed

Donald Trump suggests arming teachers to prevent school massacres, says Sydney Morning Herald. You’ve likely heard this one, but it doesn’t make it any less ridiculous.

If you had a teacher … who was adept at firearms, it could very well end the attack very quickly

Yes, that may well be so, but this also comes with a lot of flaws: what if it’s the teacher who commits the next shooting, what if a deranged student steals their teacher’s gun, doesn’t this sound all a little bit convoluted, why aren’t guns regulated better, etc? If you’re from the United States and are reading this, perhaps you have a better solution, but it seems arming the teachers isn’t a fix, just a Band-Aid solution.

NRA and Donald Trump appear to part ways over raising age to buy rifle, according to The Guardian. Wait…The Guardian is telling us Trump’s relationship with the NRA isn’t as perfect as we were lead to imagine? Shock horror! President Trump and the NRA are allegedly having issues because Trump is open to the idea of raising the age to buy a gun to twenty-one, and both want the other to change their mind. However, the clickbait is in the headline, as the NRA and Trump aren’t set to “part ways”, just that they are having a disagreement.

Donald Trump Boldly Suggests Movies, Video Games Should Get a “Rating System”, which they already have. In the wake of the Parkland Shooting, Donald Trump said a lot of silly things, one of the main being the oft-repeated yet false claim violent video games cause shootings.

I’m hearing more and more people say the level of violence in video games is really shaping young people’s thoughts. And then you go the further step and that’s the movies. You see these movies, they’re so violent and yet a kid is able to see a movie if sex isn’t involved, but killing is involved. Maybe they have to put a rating system for that

Yikes. Soon we’ll see Jack Thompson (the Anita Sarkeesian of the early-2000s) as an advisory member of the Trump Administration, and then we should really begin to worry. Ironically, the same people screaming that video games are misogynist machines are criticizing Trump for calling video games violent, because cognitive dissonance is fun.

If you think Hillary would have been better, you’re also in for a non-suprise. In 2005, she claimed video games are “stealing the innocence from our children [and should be monitored like] tobacco, alcohol, and pornography”. It just show naivete and foolishness don’t have a specific political party.