Edited image by Jackie Ramirez
Welcome to Trump’s Week in Review for the 4th of March, 2018.
Can you believe it—we’re already in March of Current Year, and Donald J. Trump still has the word “President” at the beginning of his name? At least that’s what the mainstream media is scratching their heads and asking. As we head further into the year of 2018, the useless, trivial reporting of Donald Trump doesn’t seem to be slowing down, and neither do the articles reporting on his near-impeachment-that-will-likely-never-be. So…there is “news”, and lots of it. But that’s why you’re here, isn’t it—for all the triviality being reported on the man they dub Orange Mussolini.
As usual, if you’re only here for the actually important news about Trump, you can skip right down to the bottom, but you’re kidding yourself if you think you’re not here for the utter triviality. Come on, you know you want to read about Trump eating four burgers a day, and how he tweets problematic people, and how he could be impeached in the next micro-millisecond…
Trump swaps 2,444 CALORIE McDonald’s meals of two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish sandwiches and a chocolate milkshake for soup and salad as his medical team push for healthier diet, dramatically proclaims the Daily Mail. He eats food! And lots of it! On a serious note, who could eat four burgers and be perfectly fine afterwards? On a more serious note, should this be the thing that gets El Trumpo impeached? He enjoys eating filet-o-fish. Yikes.
Donald Trump Calls Mainstream Media “Crazy!”, Retweeting Conservative Pundit Who Claimed Obama Wiretaps, according to Deadline. The man tweets! Stop the presses! This time, he went on Twitter just before he was meant to appear at the annual Gridiron Dinner, which Deadline calls “a sort of forerunner to the higher profile White House Correspondents Dinner”. But…DJT’s been busy on Twitter! He tweeted something he usually does, and Deadline is acting as if it’s shocking. Trump tweeting about the mainstream media being Fake News™? Who’d’ve thunk it!?
Speaking of the Gridiron Dinner, Donald Trump’s Worst Jokes From the Gridiron Dinner is the name of an article by The Cut. He made jokes; horrible, offensive ones! He joked Melania might leave him next, which far too many news sources and sites have been taking seriously:
So many people have been leaving the White House. It’s actually been really exciting and invigorating ‘cause you want new thought. So, I like turnover. I like chaos. It really is good. Now the question everyone keeps asking is, ‘Who is going to be the next to leave? Steve Miller or Melania?’ That is terrible honey, but you love me, right?
As Texas hosts first 2018 GOP primary, it’s all about who can love Donald Trump the most, reports Canada’s National Post. Basically the article is telling us people are supporting Trump, despite the fact he is clearly an evil, hateful monster! George P. Bush is supporting the 45th President, even though his father Jeb was called an “embarrassment” and “pathetic” by Trump. He’s not the only one! Texans are supporting Trump! Even though we, the media, are always criticizing and complaining about Trump, people still want to vote for him!? Madness… /sarcasm
How Donald Trump’s Presidency Could End Very Soon, prophecizes HuffPost. According to reporter Chris York, “A former White House counsel to Richard Nixon claims Donald Trump may be nearing his own Watergate moment and the end of his presidency”. The man, John Dean, thinks the Russian Conspiracy will be proven very shortly! Testimony from Trump’s ex-deputy campaign manager Richard Gates will be the smoking gun. Any second. Any millisecond…
They even end the article with this poll:
Celebrities react! This time, it’s Alec Baldwin, according to a bunch of sites, including News Limited. Trumpy made spelling mistakes and named the wrong people in his original tweet. Just look and compare:
It’s a bit narcissistic of President Trump to refer to himself as DJT, but this could also be the evidence proving someone else could be in charge of his Twitter? Other than that, this is just two celebrities complaining about each other. Though it is rather hypocritical for people to support Alec Baldwin over Donald Trump; the same Alec Baldwin who called his 11-year-old daughter a “rude, thoughtless pig”. Remember: It’s only okay to abuse girls and women if the abuser agrees with our politics.
Donald Trump Has Spent Nearly a Quarter of His Days as President at His Golf Courses, says Mother Jones. He’s playing golf. Again. And we’re reporting he’s playing golf. Again. Yawn.
It’s OK to say it, Democrats: Russian interference helped Donald Trump, says Salon. Yeah yeah, guys, we get it. Evil Russians are so evil they Russianed up the Russians and Russianed the Russia! Did we say Russia? What’s more concerning is Salon mines your personal data and pretends it’s something completely innocent. Way to make the public think you’re the good guys, Salon!
57% think Donald Trump is a racist. So…, begins an “analysis” by CNN Editor-at-large Chris Cillizza. So…begins the article:
The poll number smacks you right in the face: 57% of Americans believe President Donald Trump is a racist, according to new data from a national AP-NORC poll.57%!!!!
Yes, those exclamation marks aren’t an exaggeration on our behalf—they are actually in the “analysis”. Though, according to Cillizza, the number of people claiming Trump is racist apparently also equates to the number of Americans who disapprove of him, so…nothing really new here. Tellingly, out of all the main news sites reporting on the statistics, only ABC News in Washington D.C actually linked to the original poll, entitled Assessing Race Relations under the Trump Administration, which was a poll of 1337 American adults contacted via online and telephone interviews and undertaken by the University of Chicago.
Donald Trump, Manly He-Man, is the title of a New York Times opinion piece by Frank Bruni. He’s a manly man, just like the other U.S. Presidents! He supports brutality—like the death-to-drug-dealers philosophy of Filipino leader Rodrigo Duterte—and he likes guns and tanks and and harassing women! Basically, the article is screaming toxic masculinity, and how we should be teaching our male family members and relatives to be the opposite.
Donald Trump Lied About Getting LiAngelo Ball Out Of Jail In China, LaVar Ball Saw The Jig, says Hip Hop Wired. While this should be under the “actually important stuff” section, it isn’t. Why? Because this article is yet another HA HA! Chump is evil and wrong and did we say IMPEACH because that should totally, like, happen right now, sort of article. Sigh. How about we just report the news? Or is that too much?
GOP Women’s History Month Tweet Celebrates Donald Trump, a Man, says Complex. Here’s the tweet:
*cue fainting*. The GOP Twitter mentions him as part of #WomensHistoryMonth, because he’s been hiring a lot of women. How dare he! He should be hiring less women! Is that what you’d rather, Complex? They’re thanking Trump, not just because he’s a man, but because of his role helping women.
And here’s the actually important stuff about him you may have missed
Donald Trump suggests ‘terror’ ratings for movies to help stop gun attacks after shock at what son Barron watches, says The Telegraph. I know, this was in last week’s “actually important stuff”, but it’s still as important as ever. This quote is incredibly concerning:
The video games, the movies, the internet stuff is so violent, it’s so incredible. I see it. I get to see things that you would be amazed at…I have a very young son. I look at some of the things he’s watching and I say ‘how is that possible’. And this is what kids are watching. And I think you maybe have to take a look at it.
[It was hard to believe the violent films and computer games did not] have a negative impact [on some children’s] thought process.
The movies are violent, the videos are violent beyond what anyone’s ever seen.
What’s incredible is you’re buying violent video games and movies for your young son without even looking at the ratings. More likely, it’s Melania doing this than Donald, so we should really be asking Melania Trump why she thinks it’s okay to buy adult video games and movies for her young son? We should be worried Donald Trump wants to place bans on popular sources of entertainment simply because he doesn’t understand the concept of ratings.
Donald Trump says he would have ‘run in’ to Florida shooting without a weapon, thus says The Telegraph, but almost everyone everywhere has heard this quote from the mouth of the President himself. There’s nothing much to say about it. It’s simply laughable.