Edited image by Sambeet D

Welcome to Trump’s Week in Review for the 11th of March, 2018.

It’s another week, and what does that mean? Donald Trump is in the news! What else were you expecting—crucial stories about global corruption or cute and innocent stories about rescuing gangs of kittens from trees? Surely you jest! It’s another week, almost a year and half into Donald J. Trump’s Presidency, and the useless, trivial news is still flowing freely.

Of course there’s important news, and you can view that under the actually important stuff about him you may have missed section of this latest Trump’s Week in Review, but who heads straight for that? You know you’re here to learn “The Dotard” is a potential college failure, or how he said sixty four outrageous things in one sitting, and we know you definitely want to hear about Trump Russianing the Russians because Russians Russianed the Election…so let’s get started!

The 64 most outrageous lines from Donald Trump’s untethered Pennsylvania speech, reports CNN’s Editor-at-large Chris Cillizza.

President Donald Trump traveled to western Pennsylvania Saturday night on a rescue mission: State Rep. Rick Saccone (R) is fighting for his political life in a House special election on Tuesday and the President’s visit was aimed at rallying the GOP base in a district he won by 20 points in 2016.

Trump’s speech — largely unscripted — ranged (and raged) for more than an hour, and barely mentioned Saccone until the end when Trump handed Saccone the mic and allowed him to say a few words.

By the way, a lot of these reasons are incredibly petty, some vaguely important. But sixty four—really?

Donald Trump and the Stress Test of Liberal Democracy, says an opinion piece in the New Yorker. Here’s a key quote: “Donald Trump did not ignite but merely joined a miserable, destabilizing trend of illiberalism that has been under way for years in [many other countries], far-right parties and factions have not yet taken power, but they are contenders to do so, and they influence the debate on everything from immigration to foreign policy”.

According to David Remnick, while Trump is not the first nor the only, he is clearly the worst because he still claims to be…the Leader of the Free World despite his political beliefs. What? Yes, it’s as silly as it sounds. He’s gonna destroy democracy because he admires Putin, Erdoğan, and Duterte and clearly means he hates American Democracy. Basically, this opinion piece is just a lot of reaching, and Remnick hoping, just hoping the Democrats will win the midterms in 2018. People were protesting the Florida shooting, which is clearly Trump’s fault, despite shootings happening on the reg in the U.S far before Trumpy was even President.

North Korea is suddenly Donald Trump’s best friend, dramatically reports the San Francisco Chronicle, who are now somehow seeing the communist dictatorship as evil after months of the mainstream media all but fellating themselves over North Korea. According to the article, Trumpy is pretending he’s done the hard yards and has stopped North Korea’s horrific regime, but he’s really done nothing, like usual!

“Dotard” meets “Little Rocket Man.” Two unstable, childlike megalomaniacs sitting down to decide the fate of the world. What could go wrong?

Wow, San Francisco Chronicle: comparing a sociopathic, mass-murdering monster like Kim Jong-Un, who is well-versed in murdering any and all opponents (including his estranged half-brother), to Donald Trump—who is bit of a narcissist and has a few policies we kinda dislike—is simply disgusting and an insult to those struggling to survive in North Korea. What a complete load of bollocks.

In the same vein, ABC News in Australia published the article North Korea: Donald Trump’s unconventional style could succeed where others failed. Yet again, the ABC is saying they believe Trump will take credit for the Glorious Leader’s hard yards in trying to fix global tensions. However, they do admit a talk like this would have been largely impossible under any previous American President. But…but…Trump’s “regime” is worse because he could potentially blow up North Korea. Though ABC is correct in that it will be hard for either North Korea or the United States to get what they want from this meeting. Good luck Mr President indeed!

California prepares for Donald Trump’s first visit since taking office, says the Toronto Star. Oh no! Batten down the hatches! Prepare for that imminent apocalypse! California: Donald Trump is coming for you.

It remains unclear whether his visit will bring out major protests

Of course there will be protests. There are always protests in California, the primarily Democrat state, about the impending rise of anything they dislike as being Literally Fascist. Are you excited? This time, ANTIFA might protest by destroying two garbage cans! However, The Star is talking about how much Trump has wronged California, and seems to be implying protest and violence is a-ok, because Trump lost by four million votes to Hillary back in 2016, and mocked a bunch of judges who disagreed with his policies.

Expect to hear a bunch of Hollywood celebrities reacting by giving impassioned speeches about how Donald Trump is ruining democracy by merely visiting their beloved, sacred state.

trumplaprotest

Donald Trump’s bone-headed populism is the name of an article by Martin Wander Meyer in The Spectator. It’s about the tariffs. People are still supporting Trump, even though he’s passing “bone-headed” laws that will hurt America’s economy and standing in the world. No duh, because nobody has ever supported a politician that’s then gone on to pass some terrible laws and hurt the American people. *cough cough George W. Bush*

Why Is Donald Trump So Hard to Caricature? moans The Atlantic. Why can’t your site view articles if one has an Ad Blocker installed? Methinks The Atlantic is more upset with declining views on their website over anything else.

The gist of the article? Basically: Why can’t we mock him more? We mock him over literally everything, so much so audiences are bored with it, so why won’t they listen to us? In other words, he’s already a caricature, so no effort is needed.

Trump: I know Oprah’s ‘weakness’, says CNN. El Trump says if Oprah Winfrey actually runs against him—which she has said she won’t—then he’d love to beat her in the Election, because he knows her weakness. Excitement! Drama!

Meet Barack Obama and Donald Trump, college failures. Really? says The Washington Post’s Jay Matthews. This article isn’t about Trump at all; it’s about the failures of the college system in the United States to care about students who have transferred between colleges. Clickbait is fun!

Barack Obama and Donald Trump are both, statistically, college failures. Both transferred, so technically, no school ever reported them in their graduation statistics, and two schools [in their cases Occidental College and Fordham University] had to report them as failures to complete

To be fair, this is an interesting article about the injustices of transfer students in the United States, and how colleges and universities are failing them because they care too much about having high graduation rates over having students who will actually succeed. Who’s surprised here?

President Trump to embark on 1st trip to Latin America, reports ABC News in the United States. He’s set to visit Peru and Colombia in April to attend the Summit of the Americas in Peru and to meet the Colombian President. Despite him visiting these specific Latin American nations, ABC News is upset because he’s ignoring Mexico because REMEMBER THE WALL!

Celebrity-in-chief: is Trump the only true star left? asks an almost-self-aware-but-not-really The Guardian. Peter Bradshaw asks: is Donald Trump the real star of the 2010s, and not the “woke” celebrities of Hollywood? After the record low ratings of the Oscars, Bradshaw questions whether Donald Trump could potentially be more correct than Hollywood celebrities, because more people are listening to him than the woefully out-of-touch Hollywood celebrities.  Celebrities reacted, of course. Jimmy Kimmel lamely said, “Thanks, lowest rated President in HISTORY”.

According to Bradshaw: No, people are not taking Trump more seriously than Hollywood. They just don’t care about the Oscars, because it’s old-fashioned and boring and regular people can’t vote for the winners, and Trump’s approval rating is, like, literally zero. Though the opinion piece does come with this crucial line:

Of course, Hollywood stars are playing parts and so are the people elected president: their political identity is theatrically manufactured

Russian President Vladimir Putin praises Donald Trump, says US political system eating itself, says ABC News in Australia. Is this the proof of Russian bots Russianboting the American Election? No, it’s just Vladimir Putin saying he thinks Donald is a “great communicator”, “balanced”, and able to negotiate and compromise. About the Russian collusion conspiracy, Putin said he believed it was an attempt to “contain and weaken Russia”.

We are a great power, and no-one likes competition

However, he also made a telling threat to any country—not just the United States—who disagree with what he does:

Those who serve us with poison will eventually swallow it and poison themselves.

In the wake of the ex-Russian spy and his daughter being poisoned in the United Kingdom, this could be worrying.

Speaking of Russians, Is Trump turning the U.S. into Putin’s Russia?, asks the Los Angeles Times.

Is the U.S. under President Trump becoming Russia, its terrified and fractious population ruled by a klepto-autocrat who aspires to Russian President Vladimir Putin’s ruthlessness and greed? Or might we yet assert our cherished rectitude and define our country against Putin’s Russia once again? These urgent questions nip at the edges of the two movies.

It’s an advertisement for a Netflix series called Wormwood, which “revisits the gothic death of Frank Olson, a CIA bacteriologist who died in 1953 at the hands of his bosses [who was] either a casualty of a sadistic LSD experiment by the U.S. government, or—as wily investigative journalist Seymour Hersh insists—of an outright execution”.

But is it still happening? Do journalists still believe modern day Russia and the USSR of the twentieth century are the same thing? You decide…

Donald Trump’s bubble presidency, says Politico in one of the least self-aware articles of this week. Donald Trump is living in an echo chamber, say the same people who live in their own far-Left echo chamber. He’s not like Barack Obama, who ate burgers at public venues and actually saw the public. Not like the mainstream media, who seems to think visiting “public watering holes” like Obama will lead to them being surrounded by Literal Nazis…

And here’s the actually important stuff about him you may have missed

Donald Trump debuted his 2020 campaign slogan to a cheering crowd last night, says The Journal in Ireland. By the way, his slogan is “Keep America Great”. Is anyone surprised?

The world turns on Trump over tariffs, dramatically reports Politico. However, as clickbaity as this headline, Trump’s “decision to slap hefty tariffs on imports of steel and aluminum” has made news around the world, simply because international markets will change, longtime trading partners are annoyed, and there’s a lot of complications. So far, Canada and Mexico are exempt, and Australia’s Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has negotiated a deal with President Trump to be exempt from the tariffs. It’s been provoking a lot of responses and controversy, but are we really surprised? This is what President Trump does best, after all!

Here are all the games in Donald Trump’s ‘violence in video games’ supercut, says The Verge. In his attempts to get “violent” video games banned because he and Melania don’t understand the ratings system, Trump has met with game industry executives and revealed to them this utterly embarrassing video:

By the way, it’s mostly footage from the Call of Duty franchise. A game franchise about war has…violence! Who would’ve guessed! Next we’ll be hearing that violence should be banned from real wars…