Edited image by Pete Linforth

Welcome to Trump’s Week in Review for the 1st of April, 2018, here and ready for you to read on the 2nd of April!

With April Fools’ Day just behind us, Donald Trump is still the President! Truly the biggest prank of all, amirite!?! Expect that “joke” to be at the forefront of almost every aspiring comedian in Hollywood’s ranting tweets about Donald Trump for April 1st. To be fair, the news stories about President Donald Trump are so ridiculous, one would have to see them as a joke. A California homeowner is refusing to sell her house to Trump supporters. One website really does have an listicle of 10 things that look like Donald Trump, which includes an Oompa Loompa, a Troll doll, and a bunch of assorted animals.

Of course there’s important news, but you’re not here for that, are you? Trump’s golf course has been vandalized by idiots, and he’s also trying to deport DACA recipients back to countries they have no memories of, but why report on these when LOOK! THERE IS A TV SHOW WITH A TRUMP SUPPORTER AS A MAIN CHARACTER! BAN! BAN! So, go forth, and read the utter triviality!

Photo of Trump administration’s new intern program goes viral for the wrong reasons, announces New Limited. So…what’s wrong with it? There’s a lack of diversity! People have been comparing Trump’s intern program to former U.S. President Barack Obama’s…and Obama’s has more racial diversity, which shouldn’t be surprising to anyone.

The Washington Post points out that some of Mr Trump’s lowest approval marks came from people of colour, suggesting the lack of racial diversity could have been based on a lack of interest.

An Edison Research survey in 2016 found that just 21 per cent of non-white people voted for the Republican leader.

What sort of universe is this where news.com.au, owned by Rupert Murdoch, is siding with the Left and criticizing the Right? Have we entered a parallel universe? Journalist Gavin Fernando believes it’s “just another nail in the coffin for an administration plagued by scandal over the issue of racial diversity”, not realizing people will ignore this issue, just like they’ve ignored everything else. We should just be surprised there are at least five nonwhite people in the photograph. In a world where basically everyone on the Left thinks Trump is a white nationalist, that’s something, right?

Donald Trump is a natural at looking guilty—but he’s had a little help, says Tabatha Southey for Macleans in Canada, who “ousts” herself as Trump’s Lookin’ Mighty Guilty consultant. In this piece, she lists all of Trump indiscretions, and satirically claims she was responsible for his awkwardness, overreaction or lack of reaction during those incidents. She also shared an office with Trump’s Lookin’ Really Creepy consultant, who quit after “that whole ‘Trump eagerly states how many years it would be before a then-elementary school student would be dating him’ incident came to light”.

So yeah, no commentary or biting satire from me this week. Sometimes a political operative just wants to feel appreciated. Oh, and make sure to tune in for the President’s next press conference. I’m planning on having him start by announcing, “No, I’m asking the questions here!” and then have him ask the press corps, anxiously, very anxiously, “Hey guys, how do you to delete your browser history? No, you can’t see my laptop, just tell me!”

The humor is lost on all of us, Southey.

Trump continues attacks on Amazon, Washington Post, says CNN. For one, he’s accused Amazon of scamming the U.S. Postal Service:

and the Washington Post, of which Amazon owner Jeff Bezos owns, of being Fake News and allowing the Amazon “scam” to continue:

CNN’s article explains why El Drumpfo is WRONG wrong WrOnG, and ends by saying Jeff Bezos, despite owning both Amazon and The Washington Post, doesn’t control both:

This isn’t the first time Trump has accused The Washington Post of being a lobbying arm of Amazon. While both companies are owned by Jeff Bezos, Amazon does not have a stake in The Washington Post.

Feels like you’re making excuses for The Washington Post, CNN.

Craziness behind the scenes at the White House is a first person perspective of the crazy life of being a journalist in the Trump administration by News Limited’s Emma Reynolds. Reading the clickbait headline, it sounds like Reynolds has written a shocking expose of the life of the Trumps, but it’s simply her experience of Trump leaving the White House. She’s calls it “carefully orchestrated”, which she makes sound unusual, but this is a common occurrence for politicians. She also moans about how Trump’s secretaries treat her and the other reporters, and how the Press Conference room looks nowhere near as impressive in real life.

People are very unhappy Roseanne is back on TV, namely because she’s pro-Trump and we can’t have any celebrities who are pro-Trump! According to HuffPost, Donald Trump Will Not Be Mentioned By Name On ‘Roseanne’, in which HuffPost criticizes Roseanne Barr for being one of those evil white women who voted for Trump in its opening sentence. Despite Roseanne’s character being a Trump supporter, Trump’s name isn’t mentioned in the show, and the rest of Roseanne’s family aren’t Trump supporters. Sara Gilbert, an actor and producer for the show, said this:

[Gilbert] said the revival is less about left- and right-wing politics than how the current climate affects ordinary Americans.

 “It’s really about what happens to a family when there’s a political divide.”
Surprisingly, HuffPost isn’t the most offended by the news of Roseanne being pro-Trump, with the Charlotte Observer publishing this doozy: Roseanne is back, and so are the excuses for Trump voters.
With the return of Roseanne has come a revival of the bevy of excuses and explanations about why 58 percent of white Americans, particularly those in the much-discussed working class with blue collars, chose a man who rose to national political prominence on the back of open bigotry and was caught on video bragging about how he routinely sexually assaulted women to whom he is physically attracted.

Wow, the appeals to emotion are off the roof with this one! Basically, this article is Isaac Bailey for the Charlotte Observer moaning about “how literally the worst President of all time in the entirety of human history HAS SUPPORTERS!”

Bailey is furious Trump voters are portrayed as poor and working class, and people have been using it as an excuse for hurting minorities and women. He says Trump won the vote of all white people, not just those dratted poors, and we must “remind people of the full, complex humanity of every Trump voter and to urge people to not give into bitterness and hatred”, despite Bailey himself doing just that for the majority of this opinion piece.

Here’s another anti-Roseanne Twitter user trying to use the same tactic David Hogg used on Laura Ingraham to get Roseanne taken off the air:

Donald Trump, defender of Christian America? It’s not as ludicrous as it sounds, whines Salon, who is still urging you to disable that pesky Ad Blocker so they can steal your computer’s processing power to mine for Bitcoin! Tsk tsk, we never learn anything, do we, Salon?

salon

Poll: The kids are not alright with Donald Trump, and this time it’s Vox, not CNN, who is obsessed with poll results. According to Vox, “[the Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research and MTV survey says] just 33 percent of young people [between 15 and 34] approve of the president”. Apparently that’s nine percent lower than all other adult respondents. 60 percent also describe him as “mentally unfit”, and 63 percent a “racist”.

Wow, congratulations Vox and Co., you’ve done your job! Your constant catastrophizing of Trump means the sheer majority of millennials and Generation Z believe Trump is mentally unfit, racist and a generally horrible person. Congrats, your True and Honest News trophy will be delivered shortly!

TIME takes it to the next level, with their headline being ‘The World’s Worst Boogeyman.’ Most Young Americans Disapprove of President Trump, Poll Finds. So, wait, you’re telling me Trump is worse than Pol Pot, Idi Amin, Stalin, Hitler, and Nicolae Ceaușescu combined? Whew…that’s a feat!

Where does the quote in the headline come from? Twenty three year old Spencer Buettgenbach, from Topeka, Kansas:

Especially living in Kansas — for me as a gay man — it’s kind of scary…He’s like the world’s worst boogeyman.

Continuing with TIME, Lord Michael Ashcroft has this to say: Do Not Doubt Donald Trump. He Could Easily Be Reelected. Of course he could be reelected. It’s not rocket science. Ashcroft says the Left has a history of underestimating the Right and will be why Trump will be reelected come 2020:

Ronald Reagan was derided as a genial but bumbling movie actor but was elected twice to govern both his state and his country. As was George W. Bush, who seemed to inspire a kind of hysterical contempt in his adversaries: Haha, he’s so stupid. He says words like “misunderestimate.” Oh, he’s beaten us. Again.

Surprisingly, it is more reasonable than you could expect in an article from TIME, the same people who used Trump’s win to recreate their own TIME magazine cover of Hitler from back in 1938.

Stephen Colbert finally cracks: ‘Donald Trump is a great president’, and the Los Angeles Times has something to say.

“I agree with Donald Trump about something,” Colbert admitted. “CNN lies.”

“I take everything back. I apologize. Donald Trump is a great president,” Colbert said during his insincere mea culpa.

The world has ended! No, wait, this is Stephen Colbert, so take it with a grain of salt. It’s a joke. He doesn’t believe any of this. He still thinks Donald Trump is, like, the worst. Isn’t clickabit fun?

Melania has addressed Stormy Daniels’ interview about Trump affair, says News Limited. Except she hasn’t. Stephanie Grisham, who is the First Lady’s spokesman, issued a statement. According to Grisham, Melania is “focused on being a mum and is quite enjoying spring break at Mar-a-Lago while working on future projects”. The rest of the article is littered with “sources” close to the star (since this is now a gossip rag) and “family insiders” revealing the “truth” about Melania. Sigh. Boring!

California woman refuses to sell home to a Trump supporter, says the New York Daily News. But are there actually any Trump supporters in California, bar Stacey Dash? This is just a ploy for attention to have her property sold.

10 Things That Look Like Donald Trump, Health & Fitness Cheat Sheet tells us. Those ten things?

  1. A troll doll
  2. Biff Tannen, the antagonist from Back to the Future
  3. This guinea pig
  4. Mama Fratelli from The Goonies
  5. An Oompa Loompa
  6. Puss Caterpillar
  7. This dog’s ear
  8. This pheasant
  9. A gopher
  10. A bowl of Cheetos

And here’s the actually important stuff about him you may have missed

Trump: ‘NO MORE DACA DEAL’, proclaims CNN, whereas CBC in Canada is less melodramatic, stating Trump says DACA deal for young immigrants is off. Donald Trump has denounced the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA), tweeting he was against working with Democrats to secure the safety of the children of adult illegal immigrants. He continued on with his threats to dismantle DACA by also talking about removing the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA), which he called Mexico’s “cash cow”. DACA was a program created by Trump’s predecessor Barack Obama back in 2012 to protect children of illegal immigrants from being deported back to a country they likely don’t remember.

Trump attends Easter services in Palm Beach; sign at Trump International Golf Club vandalized, says the Sun-Sentinel. This Easter Sunday, Donald and Melania held hands and attended services at The Episcopal Church of Bethesda-by-the-Sea in Palm Beach with his daughter Tiffany in tow. While this is dull and clearly not newsworthy, despite The Cut’s attempts to make it so, the main news lies in vandals having “splashed red paint on the entrance sign at Trump International Golf Club”. It’s concerning people believe it is acceptable to vandalize places where Trump attends, as if it somehow makes them the better person. Note: It doesn’t.

Trump declares April as National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, says USA Today. Regardless of whether you believe this is a hypocritical move on the President’s behalf, it’s still an important gesture.