Edited image by Tibor Janosi Mozes

Welcome to Trump’s Week in Review for the 29th of April, 2018, ready for you to read on the 30th to celebrate the end of April with more trivial news on President Donald Trump.

It’s the end of April, and the useless, trivial reporting of Donald Trump has become so dull and trivial that a “comedian” hired to speak at the White House Correspondents Dinner mocked the press for it, and nobody reacted to that but were totally for her owning of Trump and his Press Secretary Sarah Sanders.

Enough of that. You’re here to read about how much of a traitor Kanye West is because he wore a MAGA hat, this Spanish woman is basically Trump’s double, and this reporter from The Independent has ideas for pranks to play on Trump when he visits the United Kingdom in July. Why not read on for more?

Is Donald Trump set to win a Nobel Peace Prize? asks the Sydney Morning Herald. What—the most Hitlery Hitler of all time could win a Nobel Peace Prize? Has the world gone mad? Specifically, the Sydney Morning Herald is questioning why a man who is constantly “hectoring” others—this time the Fake News and James Comey—could be considered for a prize he is completely unworthy of. Turns out it’s just fans at a Trump rally in Michigan who were calling for this particular honor. A chant broke out at this rally, with fans chanting “Nobel! Nobel! Nobel!” There is a point to all this. It seems Trump has had some role in negotiating peace talks between North and South Korea, something seemingly off the cards until very recently. But will Trump win the coveted peace award? Not likely.

The Michigan rally provoked a lot of negative press, with The Guardian’s provocative title being ‘They hate your guts’: Trump attacks media and Democrats at Michigan rally. The BBC also reported on the event. Staged the same night as the massively hyped White House Correspondents Dinner, which he also skipped last year, so no big news there. This is what he said about it all:

Is this better than that phony Washington White House correspondents thing? ‘Is this more fun?’ I could be up there tonight smiling like I love when they’re hitting you, shot after shot.

These people [the media], they hate your guts. And you know, you got to smile. And if you don’t smile, they say, ‘He was terrible. He couldn’t take it.’ And if you do smile, they’ll say, ‘What was he smiling about?’ You know, there’s no win.”

The article then proceeds to go on about how comedian Michelle Wolf totally roasted Ol’ Drumpfy at the Correspondents Dinner, and how Trump co-opted the beautifully innocent “deplorable” term oh-so-rightfully used by Hillary Clinton to insult those evil Trump voters. In Trump’s words:

[He] did not want to be stuck in a room “with a bunch of fake news liberals who hate me”. He would rather spend the evening “with my favourite deplorables”.

Here’s how The Guardian puts it:

Clinton liked the line [deplorable] and repeated it often, according to the New York Times reporter Amy Chozick in her new book Chasing Hillary. But it was gleefully co-opted by Trump and his supporters.

“Gleefully co-opted”? You mean those potential Trump voters should have just accepted they were evil and monsters and should live with the Biblical shame of being the worst kind of human ever? That’s a lot to put on a fair percentage of the American population, The Guardian.

But it’s okay, because Macomb County, the site of Trump’s rally, is part of Georgia, and Georgia is one of the states that helped Literally Hitler win, despite Hillary winning the popular vote by nearly three million ballots. Haven’t we heard all this before…repeatedly?

‘I could be president’: Kanye West releases new song defending his support for Donald Trump, says ABC News in Australia. You might have heard Kanye West has betrayed the agenda and is now an evil Trump supporter, and the duo even tweeted and retweeted each other. ABC News calls it “sparking chaos on Twitter”, which just tells you all you need to know about the outrage machine that is Twitter. Now Kanye West has a new song called Ye vs. The People, and people are still unhappy about him. The song allegedly defends West’s love of the U.S. President, and he shared a picture of himself wearing a MAGA hat to go with it all.

West’s refusal to back down on his beliefs—unlike fellow rapper Chance the Rapper—just shows his strength in a time of explosive identity politics and a hugely divided United States of America. While his support of President Trump enraged American Liberals, he’s managed to infuriate the other side with his tweet calling Parkland Shooting survivor Emma Gonzalez his hero. What exciting times we live in!

In the latest episode of Celebrities React, Nipsey Hussle Performs ‘F*** Donald Trump’ w/ Kanye’s Pic as a Backdrop, according to noted gossip rag TMZ. At his concert, the rapper led a chant calling for his fans to say “F*** Donald Trump”, but also alluded to Kanye West. While performing his song ‘FDT’ (guess what it stands for), towards the end of the song, he used Kanye’s MAGA hat picture as a backdrop. He’s not the only one, though. Macy Gray, Janelle Monae and John Legend also tried to convince West to not be a conservative.

 

ABC News isn’t very happy with Trump, are they? Donald Trump was too busy to buy Melania a birthday gift this week. Here’s what he got up to is their piece on, well, Trump not buying his wife Melania a birthday present. After an emotionally laden interview with Fox and Friends, his favorite program:

When asked what he bought his wife for her birthday, Mr Trump’s answer was that he was too busy.

But he got her a nice card.

What would one even begin to get the wife of a billionaire and U.S. President? A pair of oversized sunglasses, maybe? A framed lovey-dovey message proclaiming “Even the Fake News Can’t Destroy our Love”?

The rest of the article is just listing off all Trump’s embarrassing moments, so Melania’s birthday is barely a footnote in the whole scheme of things.

Sky News says more about the whole thing, with Donald Trump ‘too busy to buy Melania’s present for 48th birthday. Sky News—Rupert Murdoch’s Australian cable TV Fox News, basically—quoted the President in more depth:

Well, I better not get into that ’cause I may get in trouble. Maybe I didn’t get her so much.

[He did manage to get Melania a] “beautiful card and some beautiful flowers…You know, I’m very busy to be running out looking for presents, OK?

He also praised Melania for organizing French President Emmanuel Macron’s visit. Not very romantic, but at least he’s being honest.

President Trump Is Coming to Britain. Here’s What He Can Expect, The New York Times warns residents of the United Kingdom. He’s coming on Friday the 13th of July—which HuffPost got a few jokes out of—and he’ll meet Theresa May and the Queen, some Britons will protest on the streets, and he likely won’t be getting a state visit, even though only two previous U.S. Presidents have gotten a state visit: George W. Bush and Barack Obama. All in all, a pretty ordinary visit. Expect The Guardian, the BBC and The Independent to report his visit as an end-of-times happening.

Oh wait, The Independent’s already prepping: When Donald Trump comes to the UK, we should do the one thing he’ll find the cruellest. Reporter Shappi Khorsand said she’d rather a potato was POTUS and U.K. residents should play pranks on Donald Trump to destroy him.

Democrats staying away from talks of impeaching President Trump, says ABC News (the United States one this time). Apparently they still want him as impeached as ever, but Democratic senators are waiting for the right moment—the midterms—to attempt to bring their plans for impeachment closer to fruition. If only they would spend this time debating impeachment actually finding ways to make those deplorable Trump voters potentially vote Blue during said midterms.

Tech relishes role as Trump antagonist, says The Hill. Color me surprised! Silicon Valley—which is predominantly Democratic and liberal dislikes Donald Trump! The Hill lists all of the Silicon Valley tech companies criticizing or actively denouncing Trump’s policies and opinions, including IBM, Microsoft, Apple, Amazon (Wow! Really!?), Google, and Facebook.

However, White House tech policy adviser Reed Cordish said “tech’s relationship with the White House is better than it appears”, while Gary Shapiro, president of the Consumer Technology Association, said “This is the most business-friendly White House I’ve ever seen”. Make of that what you can.

The internet has found Donald Trump’s female lookalike, says News Limited. Ah yes, the sentient internet is back and he/she has found out Dolores Leis Antelo from Nanton, La Coruna in north-eastern Spain bears a striking resemblance to the U.S. President. Antelo doesn’t understand her fame, and believes people only thinks she looks like Trump because of the color of her hair. Unlike Trump however, Antelo doesn’t understand much about the internet and doesn’t even own a cell phone. News Limited is really here to break the important news! Next!

And here’s the actually important stuff about him you may have missed

Meet the man who tweets for Trump, says the Sydney Morning Herald. Dan Scavino Jr. is allegedly the man behind Donald Trump’s Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. In October last year, Scavino accidentally tweeted something meant for Trump’s account under his own name, which he then deleted and then posted it under the @RealDonaldTrump handle. There’s a rumor floating around that Trump’s Twitter account seems to be run by more than one person, which could be plausible. While this news could be just as absurd and fake as everything else you’ve seen on the internet today, there could be some truth to it. Perhaps…

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President Trump Threatens Countries Who Don’t Support a U.S. Bid for the 2026 World Cup, says TIME. Not incredibly important, but when you’ve got news such as those listed in the Trivial News section of this review, then this is something. What has supporting a country for the World Cup got to do with helping out a country in its time of need? Soccer isn’t a “time of need”, Donald Trump. Sigh.