Image by Mohamed Hassan
Can you believe those stupid Radical Centrists? In a world as divisive as the United States of America—because, yes, I consider USA! USA! the whole world—can’t they realize how irrational and awful they are?
The Overton Window has shifted so far right that we on the far-Left are called the far-Left. Can you believe it!? We’re just The Norm, thank you very much. We’re so rational and amazing and so much better than those evil Bernie-voting Liberals who I will call the Alt-Lite, because anyone who doesn’t believe there should be Stalin memorials on every street corner is Right-wing. These stupid Radical Centrists are basically supporting literal evil, i.e Donald Drumpfy Trump, because they use the Both Sides argument. Lol. Both sides. How can you compare us, the beautiful, perfect left, to those evil, monstrous brrr… right wingers. We just want kids to not die of climate change, whereas those evil literal Nazis want to create an ethnostate. It’s that simple. We want pure goodness and equality and beauty and ribbons and parades. Those evil Righties want death and destruction and murder.
What? You think there’s some sort of middle ground. Well, too bad, because that makes you basically Adolf Hitler. Because we see things in extremes—either beautiful, heroic Lefties, or Literal Nazis—then Radical Centrists must only think in extremes as well. You believe there is always a middle ground for everything: Literal Nazis want to murder all POC, women and other minorities, and We On The Glorious Far-Left don’t want anyone to die (except those filthy privileged, cis, white men, but shhhhhh). So what do you pathetic Nazi-lite Radical Centrists want? You want fifty percent of women and minorities to be brutally murdered.
You will always find a middle ground to literally everything. Because naturally you don’t have any strong opinions. You just trot out reactionary, far-Right bullshit and pretend to be something that is Nazi slang like “centrist”, “Liberal”, “egalitarian” or “Bernie-voter” and when you’re like Sargon of Akkad or Dave Rubin, you will say “socially liberal, fiscally conservative” or “classical liberal”. (To be fair, these two are actually Right-wing) How dare you have some left- and some right-wing beliefs? You may be seventy percent left and thirty percent right, but that thirty percent of Right-winginess in you literally makes you all far-Right. Believing in merely one Right-wing belief means you wish for climate change to rain hellfire on earth, for anti-vaxxers to reign supreme and kill your kids, and for Nazis to start murdering women and minorities willy-nilly. What do you mean, all Radical Centrists don’t just fit one mold for a political moderate? Baaaarf. They’re all the same, just like we on the Left and those vile devils on the Right are all the same. Y’know, it is hard for us to picture all seven point five billion people on earth as having varied opinions and differing beliefs, so it’s easier to put everyone into superficial categories and be done with it.
Donald Trump is President of the United States. You know, we didn’t actually care for Ol’ Blumpfy ten years ago, when he was that money-hungry yuppie on The Apprentice. We laughed at the funny way he said “You’re fired!” but now we’ll claim he was always a Literal Nazi, trying to destroy all that’s wrong with the world. Because we have the memory of a goldfish, we’ve forgotten previous Presidents, who are responsible for as many awful things, because OHGODNOTRUMPF! You didn’t want to vote for Hillary Clinton? You wanted to vote for that far-Right socialist Bernie Sanders? Baaarf. You’re supporting the establishment. You’re allowing Literal Nazis to proliferate. Even though we, based on our political compass, should have mass-voted for Jill Stein, instead of selling out to the clearly capitalist, moderate-Right candidate Hillary Clinton. Morals? Ethics? That’s for those stupid far-Righties who harass innocent and pure women in the gaming sphere.
We are such good people. We fight to save women and minorities and LGBT+ people from oppression. Why can’t you tell I’m such a good person!? Shower me with praise and likes and retweets because I made a fifty-post thread about how this white man has more privilege because he dared to exist, or how privileged cis whiteys can’t handle even the slightest mockery to their existence, even though here I am ranting in a fifty-post thread, all the while blocking the pathetic cis whitey and mocking them behind their back to all my Twitter-verified pals. I can’t believe the Literal Nazis and the Radical Centrists think SJW is an insult. It literally means Social Justice Warrior. Warrior! That’s a good thing! Just like Keyboard Warrior, the previous incarnation of SJW, was also a great label. Because warriors can only be good, and we are good, and did you know we are not like Nazis and are good people.
What? You think we minimize the harm caused by actual Nazis when we just call anyone on the Right a Nazi? That just sounds like something a Nazi would say. THE OVERTON WINDOW. OVERTON. WINDOW. Do we need to say it again? Anyone who is vaguely right-wing supports the Alt-Right and Literal Nazis. Just think of PewDiePie. While he may say time and time again he’s not a Nazi, and is just a fan of edgy humor, that sounds like something a Nazi would say. Never mind in almost a decade of YouTube, with daily or twice-daily videos throughout a majority of that time, PewDiePie has only said a handful of problematic things. You’d think an Actual Nazi would slip up a little more. What!? You’re trying to tell us PewDiePie, a Swede living in the United Kingdom, might not fully understand the political situation in the United States? That, like a majority of the population, he just doesn’t care much about politics? If you’re apolitical, you’re basically just a moderate or centrist, because clearly those three words are interchangeable. Those Radical Apolitical Centrists basically just lowkey support Nazis and fascists, and they don’t even realize it! Dumb fucks. We’re better than that. We vet every single person we recommend, and every single thing we say when we’re online. We have a Time Turner to go forward in time to find every actor and politician and figure to find out if they’re problematic. We know our problematic fave will massively fuck-up and dogwhistle the Alt-Right in July of 2022, and we will preemptively block them on Twitter/chuck out their books/boycott their movies.
You must be privileged to be a Radical Centrist. Privileged white cis men (and women with internalized misogyny) think you can be apolitical and moderate in This Day and Age. Lol. In a universe where Dondal Brumpth exists…YOU CAN’T BE APOLITICAL. He is literally the worst leader in all of existence. Combine Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin and Mao (only when they failed at True Communism), and Genghis Khan, and you’re only at a fraction of the pure evil that is Donald Trump. He is a sociopath. He is a narcissist. Radical Centrists try and pretend, while Drumpf is bad, he’s not the Worst Human Ever. What? They think he’s human. How dare those Radical Centrists claim something as wicked as Trump is an actual human being? That would make him the same species as us. Radical Centrists don’t think he’s that bad. He is that bad. He is evil incarnate. Goshdarnit to h*ck, how can Centrists be so so stupid they’re unwittingly (or so the pathetic Centries claim) the gateway to the Alt-Right!?
Radical Centrists are bad. They are worse than the Alt-Right. They are just like Nazis. Radical Centrist is a subjective label I put upon people I disagree with. Radical Centrists may vary on the broad spectrum of politics, but if I personally don’t like them, they’ll be labeled as such. Libertarians like Sargon of Akkad, typical Lefties like Laci Green, and moderate Left-wingers like shoe0nhead and ChrisRayGun will be thrown under the Radical Centrist bus because, while they may have left-wing beliefs, I don’t like them because they hang out with people I don’t like. You have to be purely subscribed to Feminist Frequency, HBomberguy, ContraPoints and Shaun to be a True Leftie. But we know one thing now. Radical Centrists are bad. They will cause the literal destruction of the earth, because we on the far-Left know the world will be literally and figuratively destroyed if Donald Blumpfyblumpf and Brexiteers continue to breathe another breath. Only we know what’s right. We are good people. Centrists are bad.
Get out of your fucking echo chamber for one second and maybe you’ll realize centrists and moderates aren’t some evil boogeyman you can blame for people not 100 percent supporting your pet causes.
Maybe you should look a little closer to home.